Virgo Edition - ♍︎

Intro

Hello friends. As I write this, there's a New Moon in Virgo, and I'm feeling the need to take stock of things that are important and try again to improve the organization in my life. Alas! As I take stock, I find this Newsletter is one of those important things that I've let slide, and I am now coming back to.
Earth signs and their consistency. Medicine for my restless and flighty soul.

I'm sitting in my Studio at the Rockslide Arts building, looking at some large oil paintings in front of me, which I'll be exhibiting in a solo show at the Little Fernwood Gallery during the month of October. I'll provide the details for that event at the end. If you're in Victoria and able to make it, please come!

Chapter 1: Struggles With ADHD

So here we are, as Summer begins to feel like Fall. I'll either keep this short, or I'll find my stride as I go. But I'll be honest that I've been struggling a bit. My sense of identity and direction feels somewhat confused, and as I take stock of where I am in life, compared with where I've tried to get, by now - it's not a very rosy picture. I've been stuck, in a lot of ways.

For those of you into astrology, here's a good way to describe my experience: Transiting Neptune is Conjunct my Ascendant in Aries.
It's true. I appreciate the archetypal language of astrology. It allows us to communicate things imagistically that are pretty difficult to describe in other types of language. In this case, I can't really think of a more concise or resonant way to describe the sense of fogginess, confusion, and doubt I've been feeling about my self-identity, my direction, and my drive. As you probably know, Neptune transits last... a while. This particular one will be more-or-less active in my chart for like... the next 4 years. Damn. Of course, Neptune has its positive qualities too, and I'm sure there's a silver-lining here somewhere. Also, aren't all challenges a part of personal growth?

But enough astrology! Let's shift gears into a different type of language:

I'm currently grappling with the thought that I very likely have ADHD. I'm 40 years old, and this idea isn't one that I've ever considered before. It's kind of turning things upside down for me. In fact, my beliefs about the ontological status of this condition at all are under serious revision. It's been a struggle.

Until recently, my opinion of ADHD went something like this:
Rather than an innate human condition, challenge, or disability - I felt that ADHD is a fiction created by our capitalistic and productivity-obsessed society. A convenient label applied to humans who are not well-suited or adaptable to our (obviously unwell) modern world.
Basically, that this "disability" (and others) are the Shadow Projections of a society unwilling to face its own failings. That individuals are being made to carry the "Shadow," and the belief, and the feeling, that "something is wrong with them," on behalf of our culture - so that our society can continue to pretend that there isn't something deeply wrong with IT.

For example, an 8 year old child, who cannot sit still and listen in class, who cannot seem to pay attention to the curriculum that's being provided for their education, they struggle. Is this a problem with the child? Or is it a failing of the way we educate children, and what we expect of them?
I guess I still feel that ultimately, the latter is more deeply true. The child is being asked to carry a sense of brokeness, and the diagnosis of "neurodivergent" as an individual, so that the entire foundation of our education system is not called into question. It's an instance of Shadow Projection, by society, onto individuals.

What is a "normal" or "typical" human, anyways? Does it actually exist? I suppose it's defined by the dominant culture. And I guess, this is just like, my opinion, man, but I think our current global culture is largely insane.

Another term for what's meant by "normal," or "typical," is "adapted" - and I've recently read some of the ideas of psychologist Otto Rank, where he describes 3 "types" of people - The Adapted Type (who experiences no significant inner-turmoil, because they are able to accept their role in society as it is given.) The other 2 types are called The Neurotic Type, and The Artistic Type. These both experience alienation and inner-turmoil, because they cannot help but be introspective (which The Adapted Type is not.) The Neurotic Type is described as "a blocked artist," and the main difference between these 2 is that The Artistic Type experiences fulfillment, (and lessened inner-turmoil through the expressive process,) while the The Neurotic Type "chokes on their own introversions." Well, I won't elaborate on this idea more here, but I'll link to 2 substack articles I enjoyed that explore this topic in depth at the bottom - so check them out if you like.

But this Newsletter is more on the personal side, and like I was saying, I'm in the process of trying to accept that ADHD is probably "real," at least for me.
I still think the belief I laid out above is basically true - but you know what it isn't? Practical. Perhaps part of the struggle I'm feeling, is my sense of idealism starting to die...
Because that opinion is all well and good. But what does it ask for? What does it hope? The complete reform of education and society, that's all. The complete dissolution of late-stage capitalism. Well, it ain't gonna happen, any time soon, I think.

I wonder. Should it feel embarrassing to admit, that a younger me believed we would have Universal Basic Income for all by like... 5 years ago? I did. I also thought we might have some pretty slick space-cities by now.
These were the days when, at least to my young mind, "dystopian sci-fi" was a niche sub-genre in a sea of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Arthur C. Clarke, and other mostly expansive & optimistic takes on the future. Forgive my naiveté! Oh, please! These days it seems like "non-dystopian sci-fi" is a rare and niche sub-genre amongst a backdrop of Black Mirror, 1984, and Brave New World.

So I had a story, running in my mind, that said it didn't make much sense to try too hard to adapt to a system that was "obviously" on the way out. Except... it wasn't, and I was wrong.

Maybe an ADHD diagnosis, and taking on that label as part of my sense-of-self, and perhaps, medication, will help me better adapt to, and participate in the world as it actually is. My thoughts are conflicted, clearly, but I'm trying it out.
I hope it's not an all-or-nothing worldview thing, and I can continue to believe sort-of that every condition in the DSM is a convenient fiction of a society that is deeply unwell, and that the terms "neurotypical" and "neurodivergent" are not terribly meaningful, because every human being is obviously entirely unique, which is what makes us beautiful, and important, as individuals.

Chapter 2: Leaving Earth and Coming Home

But that's enough about that - now I'd like to talk about my upcoming art exhibit.
It will be an exhibit of 4 large oil paintings, and some of my smaller works, at Little Fernwood Gallery for the month of October. There will be an Opening Reception on October 6th, and I'll be giving a talk about the meaning of these paintings on October 20th. It would be nice to see you there!

As I said, I've been artistically blocked of late - and these are mostly not recent paintings. The core of the exhibit is 4 large oil paintings that I completed some years ago, and I think they're among my strongest work.
One of the things that's interesting, is that the meaning of these paintings has continued to reveal itself to me over years. Until quite recently, I didn't really know what they meant. But as I study the topics that interest me, and understand better the way that symbols and archetypes work, I'm able to articulate more and more what they mean.

For those of you into Jungian Dreamwork - have you ever gone back and analyzed a dream from years ago? It's fascinating! These images came from my unconscious, and there is a wisdom in them that I was too young to understand when I made them... or, when they were made through me. Because I was able to enter flow and get my limited, meddling ego out of the way.

The title of my show is Leaving Earth and Coming Home: A Myth in Images of Transcendence and Embodiment.
It speaks to a tension in my life, and my experience, between profound expansive visionary states, and the earthy, the mundane, the routine. In my life, this is a wide tension indeed, and a challenge. I wouldn't trade my profound, transcendent, and beautiful peak experiences (of which I've had many) for a simpler life - but they can certainly make the everyday, the earthy, and the mundane feel stark in comparison. I am trying, in these images, and in my life to integrate both ends of this spectrum, fully.
The title of my Artist Talk will be: Endlings and Eternity.
Did you know that the word endling means the last living member of a species? It implies that another extinction is imminent, and inevitable - but it hasn't happened yet. I sometimes feel quite alienated, or lonely. But I wonder about how lonely it must be, to be the last... of your kind. Extinction is a topic much on my mind, and It haunts me. I really love animals, you probably know. And the incredible diversity of the animal kingdom, of life. But so many of them have disappeared, now, and are disappearing, because of us. I don’t plan to make the tone of this talk too heavy though, or sad. I don't want individuals to have to carry the guilt of our society's crimes. But I suppose I do want to encourage some grief, at least.
But eternity... Eternity is a dimension outside of time. I've been there, I've experienced it. And extinction doesn't reach eternity, actually. Extinction is a phenomenon of time. In eternity, if a species has ever existed, then it always does. This perspective, on the extinction issue, will be part of my talk. And I wrote a poem about it. I might have shared that poem in this newsletter before, or with some of you in a little book called trippy thoughts club: poetry by clark mcmillan. I won't write it here now - but I will recite it at the talk.

And I think I'll leave it at that for this edition, my friends. Thank you for reading. Happy Virgo Season to all.
It has felt good to write this, and to send it to you, so it may not be too long before I send another.

Until next time,
Clark

Exhibition Details & Artist Statement

Leaving Earth and Coming Home: A Myth in Images of Transcendence and Embodiment is a collection of oil paintings exploring my love of the mythic imagination, animals, and the natural world. Inspired by Carl Jung, Joseph Campbell, and extended exploration of deeply altered states of consciousness - I feel that the mythic-imaginative way of perceiving and understanding the world is equally real - and much deeper, than the linear-literal way of understanding our moment in time. There is a story told in this sequence and I invite you to tune into the images and discover a sense of meaning for yourself. In myths, there is not one single meaning, and a new beginning is implicit in every end, it is a cycle of story about soaring, seeing, grieving, and coming back to earth to plant seeds for the next cycle of growth and meaning-making in our world.

I am a visionary artist working out of Rockslide Studios in Victoria BC. My preferred mediums are oil paint and charcoal and I feel an alchemical connection to them both. I think of my process as transmuting a prima materia; oils and pigments, or carbon dust, that has a close link to the natural world and a long history of human use, into vision, imagination, and maybe someday - the philosopher's stone. To me, art and magick are one and the same.

Dates, Times, and Location:

October 2nd to 29th, 2026
Little Fernwood Gallery,
1923 Fernwood Rd, Victoria, BC
Opening Reception - Tues Oct 6, 7pm-9pm
Artist Talk - Tues Oct 20, 8pm-9pm

What I’m Reading:

The Word for World is Forest by Ursula K. LeGuin (again)
&
These substack articles which I mentioned above;
You are Stuck Because You are an Artist Who Isn’t Creating
You Are In Conflict With Yourself Because You Are Not Average

What I’m Listening to:

Monolord, live on KEXP

www.clarkmcmillanpainting.com