♑︎ Capricorn Edition

Intro

Hey everyone, thanks for joining me for my first newsletter. I’ll be releasing one every month - this one is the ♑︎ Capricorn edition.

I’ve spent the last few months investigating how I want to show up out here, in the world. Periods of introspection are nothing new to me, but in this case the themes of:

Authenticity & Honesty

Community, Communication, & Connection

- kept showing up, which led me first to start putting attention into hand-written pen-pal relationships, and now, to this newsletter. My vision here is that these will feel similar to pen-pal letters, actually. It will be informal, imperfect, and embarrassing sometimes I’m sure - but I’m going to keep putting it out month after month.

Chapter 1: Update & Art

The first thing I want to write about is my effort to re-commit to showing up as an artist, which started in the last half of 2024. I graduated art school more than 10 years ago and have made plenty of work that I’m proud of, but I’ve always felt blocks around showing it publicly or marketing myself and trying to sell. By 2024 my creative practice had been simmering on a back-burner of my life for a long time, and if I’m honest - I never put much effort into building a career out of it. But I was getting increasingly clear messages from my psyche that I couldn’t keep ignoring my talent as an artist or hiding it from the world. Well, it’s been a bumpy ride. I did a handful of markets and have been encountering all the blocks and self-doubt I neglected to work through when I was younger. But the key for me has been learning to show up without expectation. When I’ve been able to do that and to be present with people at a market and talk about my work (rather than fixating on sales,) it’s been really fulfilling. I felt inspired the next day, rather than discouraged. And that’s been sinking in as a more general life lesson too - that expectation is able to spoil all kinds of experiences in various ways.

Chapter 2: Journaling Practice

For the last couple of months or so I’ve been journaling every day, it’s become such an important practice for me that I plan to continue for a long time to come. The main goal here is to practice telling myself the truth - to get in alignment with my thoughts and values, and to just practice honesty (it starts with being honest with yourself!) It really surprised me how many words have come through day after day, the stream-of-consciousness format has been like a torrent of thoughts and ideas I didn’t know I had in me.

But aside from that practice, the most impactful journaling exercise I’ve done is the “Heaven & Hell” technique. For this you set a timer (20 minutes or so) and journal about your personal “Hell.” 10 years from now, if you showed up as your lowest self, made cowardly or dishonest choices every day, succumbed to your addictions, wallowed in self-pity, etc. What would your life look like then? How bad could it get? This is rough, I know. I cried.

Then, set the timer again and journal about your personal “Heaven.” 10 years from now, if every day you showed up with love, practiced honesty with yourself and others, got your addictions under control, and did the things you were afraid to do. What could your life be like in 10 years?

I found simple things felt really “charged” after doing this, it can make little decisions feel more impactful. But for me the most helpful thing is how it created such a simple way of gauging how I’m doing. As a habitual over-thinker, I often get distracted or confused about my own plans and priorities, but with this technique it’s boiled down to 2 “directions”, and at the end of each day I can ask “Did I move a little bit closer to my Heaven, or my Hell today?”

Chapter 3: Magick & Books

My partner & I host a theme camp called The Occult Library at Otherworld (the Vancouver Island regional Burn,) where we make our collection of books from the Western Hermetic Tradition, Jungian Psychology, and other related topics available. I’d like to include some of that wisdom in these letters.

I’m currently practicing a cycle of Planetary Magick, where I work with the energies of the 7 classical planets in astrology. Today being a Wednesday, I invoked ☿ Mercury (the planet that “rules” Wednesdays) and recited an adoration to Hermes, the god associated with ☿ Mercury. Here is the Hymn to Hermes, from The Orphic Hymns:

“Hear me, Hermes,

messenger of Zeus, son of Maia,

almighty in heart, lord of the deceased,

judge of contests,

gentle and clever, O Argeiphontes,

you are the guide

of the flying sandals,

a man-loving prophet to mortals.

A vigorous god, you delight

in exercise and in deceit.

Interpreter of all you are

and a profiteer who frees us of cares,

who holds in his hands

the blameless tool of peace.

Lord of Korykos, blessed,

helpful, and skilled in words,

you assist in work and you are

a friend of mortals in need.

You wield the dreaded, the respected

weapon of speech.

Hear my prayer and grant

a good end to a life of industry,

gracious talk,

and mindfulness.”

Well that’s nearly it. I want to acknowledge that I’m feeling pretty shy about releasing this. I wish it felt a little less personal and rambling, because I want these to feel helpful and inspiring as well. I’m sure they will get better over time.

So while I admit that I currently feel afraid that this newsletter is a mess, too long, and nobody will want to read it, here are a couple of quotes about fear that guide me:

“Fear is failure, and the forerunner of failure: and courage is the beginning of virtue.”

• A. Crowley, Liber Librae

and:

“Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

• F. Herbert, Dune

Thanks for reading, feel free to respond if you’d like to connect. Until next time,

Clark

What I’m reading:

Lord of Light by Roger Zelazny

What I’m listening to:

Kendrick Lamar’s latest album - GNX

www.clarkmcmillanpainting.com